A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"
God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."
God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."
Again the small child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"
God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"Who will protect me?"
God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."
God said, You will simply call her, "Mom."
Thoughts that tumble into and out of my red head - from our infertility journey to adoption to negotiating a corporate desk job, running our own business, and mommy-hood.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Build me an Ark, An Update, and 17 is our Lucky Number
I’m lying on the couch; breathing is a little labored right now, like someone is sitting on my chest. I hope that I really don’t end up needing an ark for rescue! As it turns out, my ovaries have hyper stimulated and are continuing to produce fluid even after the egg retrieval. So my abdomen is swollen and sore, the fluid is putting pressure on my lungs, and I just feel sick. But let’s talk about some good news….!
24 eggs retrieved
22 eggs mature
17 eggs fertilized
As of this morning (day 3): still 17 embryos growing strong!
The egg retrieval was Wednesday, it was a little scarier than I expected. The IV did not hurt though. I was already really bloated and painfully uncomfortable and swollen with eggs that morning. After lounging on a bed getting some lactated ringers (plain ol’ fluid) run into me, they led me into the OR. I sat down, scared, and they helped me put my legs up into “stirrups” (but really these go under your knees) and had me lay back. The nurses told me their names, complemented me on my penguin socks, and that’s all I remember. I woke up with John talking to me back in the bed in the little cubby we started out it. They told me they got 24 eggs! 24 EGGS!!!
After that, John kept talking to me and I kept telling him how much I loved him and how glad I was that he was there. I was very groggy, and before I know it, they’re telling me to get out of bed to walk. So I did… and then they removed the IV and sent me home with a prescript for vicodin. It was all very fast. I got very nauseous in the pharmacy and had to sit down, but I kept it together. Stopped at Wendy’s on the way home, and I started to feel much better after getting some food in my tummy. I felt sick, bloated, and woozy all afternoon and basically slept and rested on the couch. I got up Thursday and went to work….
…that’s where I went wrong. Thursday morning I felt pretty good. However as the day wore on I felt worse and worse, more bloated and just sick. I left as early as I could (4:45, ha!). Friday morning I woke up feeling bad and decided it would be smarter to take care of myself and stay home. Good thing, ‘cause I didn’t keep breakfast down, and I got sicker and sicker at the day wore on and started having trouble breathing. I finally broke down and called the on-call nurse at 5:30 or so. She said they want to see me Saturday morning (this morning) in Rockville and they may want to drain the fluid. I spent last night sleeping sitting up on the chaise lounge in our bedroom… well with the help of vidodin until 4am. Then this morning I felt a lot better, but we still went for a checkup.
The doc confirmed with ultrasound that I have “a touch” of OHSS. A touch?!? I would hate to know what a more severe case feels like! Thankfully, he didn’t offer to drain the fluid off (I’m not thrilled with the idea of going under again). But there is the very real chance that the transfer for Monday will be cancelled. You see, pregnancy makes the OHSS worse in many cases. His advice has been to stay off my feet completely for the next two days and rest and drink Gatorade. On the way home from the doctor, we stopped at the grocery store to get some chow. Just being up and walking around for that hour or so has made me so miserable again. So I’m going to take the “stay off my feet” advice seriously. BTW, my wonderful sweet loving husband is taking very good care of me and making sure I stay put on the couch. I don’t know what I would do without him. He really is the greatest guy!!! <3
They’ll check me again on Monday to see if I’m healthy enough for placing one of our babies in my uterus. Oh I do not want to cancel this…!!! I do not want to be sick either!!! If my body isn’t ready for it then they will freeze the strongest embryos. We had planned to do that anyway, but I really have my heart set on a fresh transfer. This whole process is so sci-fi to begin with and it’s even harder to wrap my brain around freezing and thawing a live organism.
Oh…to bring it home, I thought of the ark reference because I feel like I’m being overtaken by fluid. Bad joke… sorry, but you know my sense of humor!!
24 eggs retrieved
22 eggs mature
17 eggs fertilized
As of this morning (day 3): still 17 embryos growing strong!
The egg retrieval was Wednesday, it was a little scarier than I expected. The IV did not hurt though. I was already really bloated and painfully uncomfortable and swollen with eggs that morning. After lounging on a bed getting some lactated ringers (plain ol’ fluid) run into me, they led me into the OR. I sat down, scared, and they helped me put my legs up into “stirrups” (but really these go under your knees) and had me lay back. The nurses told me their names, complemented me on my penguin socks, and that’s all I remember. I woke up with John talking to me back in the bed in the little cubby we started out it. They told me they got 24 eggs! 24 EGGS!!!
After that, John kept talking to me and I kept telling him how much I loved him and how glad I was that he was there. I was very groggy, and before I know it, they’re telling me to get out of bed to walk. So I did… and then they removed the IV and sent me home with a prescript for vicodin. It was all very fast. I got very nauseous in the pharmacy and had to sit down, but I kept it together. Stopped at Wendy’s on the way home, and I started to feel much better after getting some food in my tummy. I felt sick, bloated, and woozy all afternoon and basically slept and rested on the couch. I got up Thursday and went to work….
…that’s where I went wrong. Thursday morning I felt pretty good. However as the day wore on I felt worse and worse, more bloated and just sick. I left as early as I could (4:45, ha!). Friday morning I woke up feeling bad and decided it would be smarter to take care of myself and stay home. Good thing, ‘cause I didn’t keep breakfast down, and I got sicker and sicker at the day wore on and started having trouble breathing. I finally broke down and called the on-call nurse at 5:30 or so. She said they want to see me Saturday morning (this morning) in Rockville and they may want to drain the fluid. I spent last night sleeping sitting up on the chaise lounge in our bedroom… well with the help of vidodin until 4am. Then this morning I felt a lot better, but we still went for a checkup.
The doc confirmed with ultrasound that I have “a touch” of OHSS. A touch?!? I would hate to know what a more severe case feels like! Thankfully, he didn’t offer to drain the fluid off (I’m not thrilled with the idea of going under again). But there is the very real chance that the transfer for Monday will be cancelled. You see, pregnancy makes the OHSS worse in many cases. His advice has been to stay off my feet completely for the next two days and rest and drink Gatorade. On the way home from the doctor, we stopped at the grocery store to get some chow. Just being up and walking around for that hour or so has made me so miserable again. So I’m going to take the “stay off my feet” advice seriously. BTW, my wonderful sweet loving husband is taking very good care of me and making sure I stay put on the couch. I don’t know what I would do without him. He really is the greatest guy!!! <3
They’ll check me again on Monday to see if I’m healthy enough for placing one of our babies in my uterus. Oh I do not want to cancel this…!!! I do not want to be sick either!!! If my body isn’t ready for it then they will freeze the strongest embryos. We had planned to do that anyway, but I really have my heart set on a fresh transfer. This whole process is so sci-fi to begin with and it’s even harder to wrap my brain around freezing and thawing a live organism.
Oh…to bring it home, I thought of the ark reference because I feel like I’m being overtaken by fluid. Bad joke… sorry, but you know my sense of humor!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A Nervous Wreck for the Egg Hunt!
I was already nervous about what could go wrong with my egg retreival tomorrow. My worries have included - fearing that I'd ovulate today and lose all the eggs so they couldn't get them and worrying that I will spill "the cup" and we'll have nothing to fertilze with. But I talked to the nurse and she said my hormone levels are perfect and she sure I won't "lose" my eggs. I've also decided that Lovey will be completely in charge of the cup.
Now, something new has crept up to worry about. Lovey just called, he's on his way to the hospital, he hurt his back at work!! He told me not to rush there.... yet. I feel just awful for him, he sounded miserable, but he was able to drive himself there. Knowing John though, it's got to be bad if he called his supervisor and is going to the hospital. I pray it's nothing major!
Keeping my fingers crossed and too worried and nervous to do anything productive right now. Wishing I was one of those who had to run off nervous engergy or felt the urge to clean something. Maybe one of these hormones will develop that response in me?
Now, something new has crept up to worry about. Lovey just called, he's on his way to the hospital, he hurt his back at work!! He told me not to rush there.... yet. I feel just awful for him, he sounded miserable, but he was able to drive himself there. Knowing John though, it's got to be bad if he called his supervisor and is going to the hospital. I pray it's nothing major!
Keeping my fingers crossed and too worried and nervous to do anything productive right now. Wishing I was one of those who had to run off nervous engergy or felt the urge to clean something. Maybe one of these hormones will develop that response in me?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Call me Hen... I'm an egg making machine!
I've been seeing the doc for bloodwork and ultrasounds every day since Tuesday. This morning they counted 20 (!) follicles on my right ovary and 10 on my left. The doctor said he wouldn't be surprised if they were able to retrieve 30 eggs. WOW!!! Of course, along with this overacheiving response to the medicine comes the risk of OHSS - ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. So they are watching me close and have changed the medicine I will use to "trigger" They also expect me to trigger on Monday, which means the retreival will be on Wednesday.
I've been feeling sick and sore the past couple of days and very tired. I'm sure it's the hormones and my "factory farming ovaries." This morning the nurse said they were just getting me ready for pregnancy. I hope that I don't continue to feel like this all through pregnancy... I don't have enough time for daily naps most days. But in the end it will all be worth it!! And what's more - if they are able to retrieve so many eggs, then we may end up with many stellar embryos! It's completely sci-fi but they can freeze the embryos and transfer them later. We'll have high-tech kiddos!!!!
I'm feeling a little more scared as things are moving on. There's no doubt that I want to be a mommy, but I realize there is so much I don't know and I don't know how we'll make it all work. Time, money, know-how, emotion... but I guess these are all normal emotions to feel? I was in CVS yesterday, and I walked past the section with all the kiddo medicine. I realized I wouldn't know what to buy if our baby was sick!!
...sigh... I should probably only worry about one thing at a time and not get ahead of myself! I want to enjoy this entire process. Maybe it's not the "normal" way to grow a family, but it's our way... and it's no less wanted and cherished than any other!! You better believe our kiddos will know just how desperately they were wanted!! No 'oops' here!!
I've been feeling sick and sore the past couple of days and very tired. I'm sure it's the hormones and my "factory farming ovaries." This morning the nurse said they were just getting me ready for pregnancy. I hope that I don't continue to feel like this all through pregnancy... I don't have enough time for daily naps most days. But in the end it will all be worth it!! And what's more - if they are able to retrieve so many eggs, then we may end up with many stellar embryos! It's completely sci-fi but they can freeze the embryos and transfer them later. We'll have high-tech kiddos!!!!
I'm feeling a little more scared as things are moving on. There's no doubt that I want to be a mommy, but I realize there is so much I don't know and I don't know how we'll make it all work. Time, money, know-how, emotion... but I guess these are all normal emotions to feel? I was in CVS yesterday, and I walked past the section with all the kiddo medicine. I realized I wouldn't know what to buy if our baby was sick!!
...sigh... I should probably only worry about one thing at a time and not get ahead of myself! I want to enjoy this entire process. Maybe it's not the "normal" way to grow a family, but it's our way... and it's no less wanted and cherished than any other!! You better believe our kiddos will know just how desperately they were wanted!! No 'oops' here!!
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