Wait, I Wasn't Ready Yet!

Have you ever looked up at the (proverbial) high dive and thought about what it would feel like to drop down thru the air into the water?  Maybe you've even walked up to the edge and looked down, nervous by how high it really is when you're standing there. Imagine you've been pushed off.... and it takes 5 months to hit the bottom and you aren't sure if it's pool season and there is water at the bottom, or concrete. 

Yeah, I've been shoved. I hadn't even realized I was teetering on this precipice.  I didn't see it coming and I'm not sure what I'm falling into at the bottom. Maybe I'll hit a trampoline that will bounce me right back to the starting block; or maybe I will swim off to a whole new world. Either way, I should be grateful for the time to contemplate it all as the wind rushes past my frightened flailing limbs. 

Take Off Those Comparison Glasses!

Comparison.  Is.  Not.  Accurate!  

I don’t know how my mom was raised.  I don’t know what my Nana did or didn't do for breakfast each morning, to judge whether or not my mom got it right.  I don’t even remember what my friends said their moms did or didn't do for them.  I do remember going to dog shows and sitting down to be covered with a blanket of puppies.  I remember road trips, and visiting her friends’ houses.  I especially remember a day when we had a “picnic” in her bedroom with McDonald’s food and Dumbo on TV.  I don’t know if any other mom in the whole wide world did that with their kiddos but it was very special with my mom.  

Tripp needs deserves ME, right now, doing special important things with and for him.  He’s not looking at Pinterest and judging if it’s fancy or perfect enough… just time and attention, it’s enough.  So, while I’m beating myself up, wondering if I measure up or if I’m doing something right – he’s just hanging out waiting for mommy to come be with him. 

I should also remember, that I fiercely love(d) my mom.  She was not perfect, she was fighting her own demons, but that did not matter to me.  It didn’t matter until the end when she was so sick.  I didn’t “see” it for a long time.  I didn’t want to see it because I only wanted her and I’ve always only wanted her to be happy and feel good.  Wouldn’t Tripp want his mommy to be happy and feel good, too

Inspiration

Is God coming…. ?

Glennon Doyle Melton is someone I wish I could have tea with at least once a week.  She is so open and honest and relentlessly optimistic about the human spirit and what God can do thru us – and brave enough to share her musings with the world.  Ok, Ok, I’ll be honest, she’s sort of my inspiration to share my musings and get this blog going.  I read recently that to be successful in the blogosphere you need to teach something.  I’m not so sure what I am an expert of that I could teach anyone; but I do love nuggets of wisdom and want to share what I pick up.  So read Glennon’s post on Momastery….

THE MOST HONEST, BEAUTIFUL, IMPORTANT QUESTION I HAVE EVER HEARD ANYONE ASK

I got into a spiritual conversation with the least likely candidate, a Jewish colleague who carries an air of cynicism and firmly believes in science over every other possible explanation.  The question of baptism evolved into a debate about the presence of God.  He believes that God kicked things off with the big bang and moved on to His next project.  My colleague doesn't think God is listening to and answering prayers or causing bad (or good) things to happen.  I politely dissented… We absolutely have free will to do as we please, but God is there for us to seek him out.  Everything is about our personal relationship with Jesus.  It’s our individual faith in Him that influences our actions – which in turn impact other people around us.  God works thru us, so He’s here, right now; he shows up.  We just have to pay attention.  I think this is what Glennon’s post was all about. 

Alien World

What must it be like to be dropped into an alien world where everything is new and different and you can’t adequately communicate?   It would be so frustrating and probably scary to not be able to say what you want or need and not be able to understand what your captors are saying back to you! 

 I think we’re hitting that point with our son.  I can see and very much hear his frustration.  He can’t really fully explain what he wants and if I do fully understand, I can’t explain why what he wants isn't happening.  I think he’s freaking out every time I open a specific cabinet because the Easter candy is (was!) in there and he wants it.  I can’t explain to him that I’m not giving him peeps for breakfast or that the peeps are all gone (both true).  

At least for this toddler the aliens that are caring for him love him dearly.